Do you have a picture of an ideal you? What does it look like?
My ideal me is wise, kind, loyal, energetic, creative, courageous, prophetic, pastoral, thoughtful, engaged, pure, free, mindful, generous, funny, impacting, sensitive, inclusive, affirming, joyous, hopeful, positive, smart, informed, full of faith and at least a dozen other hopelessly optimistic adjectives and adverbs. He also has the looks and strength of a 30 year old with the insight gained from 80 whirls around the sun.
On my better days I am a few of these – but then there are more ordinary days, as well as downright foul ones. It’s always tough when my aspirational self comes face to face with my shadow self – a shock reminder that there is not only one kind of me in the cupboard.
To be fair, I’m not the only one who faces this dilemma. It saw the apostle Paul plunge into near despair. Perhaps you remember his outburst in Rom 7:15 when he poignantly writes: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Gosh… “what I hate I do” – that’s more than a minor disappointment. It’s also a rather harsh evaluation of someone who so dramatically impacted the course of human history. Perhaps we don’t always have to be on top of our game to be making a difference.
Extreme examples aside, what are we to make of the “aspiration – actual” gap.
I was taught to aim high. There was the philosophical reminder that if you aim for the sky, you’ll probably at least reach the roof, which is a lot higher than if you aim at nothing. Aspiration is a good thing, and without it we will settle for far less than we should. But it can also be a harsh taskmaster – rubbing our faces in our disappointments, reminding us that the gap between aspiration and actual often feels like a chasm.
For much of my life I have worked as a pastor, helping local churches to faithfully witness to the love and wonder of Jesus. There is nothing more aspirational than a local church. Most have an agenda to change the world. Every church where I have been pastor has, in my view, done significant good in their community. They have fed the hungry, taught new migrants to speak English, and others how to read. They have raised funds, sponsored children in impoverished communities, ensured that the children of prisoners got gifts each Christmas. They have provided wise counsel and journeyed with people through grief and loss. They have run amazing programmes for young people and children. They have sent folk burdened by too many disappointments on restorative holidays, and put in a word for those at risk of being overlooked. They have provided countless opportunities for people to learn to sing, to speak and to lead. They have created rich networks for friendship and companionship. And they have always done this in the name of Jesus, helping people to follow Him more faithfully and more thoughtfully, as they have taught the great truths of the faith and explored how they work out in an ever changing world. They have seen many, many people come to a life changing faith in Jesus.
At times they have also failed. Funny the things we sometimes get so worked up about, and how a decade or so later you wonder what all the fuss was about. Tense moments I have seen navigated include how to respond when marriages fail (how about compassionately? Let’s remember, being compassionate doesn’t mean you think anything goes, but it does mean you accept that people don’t get married in the hope that it will fail, and that the death of dreams is always excruciating.) In my South African days there was the “how to respond to apartheid” question (surely with outrage – yet it was strange that this wasn’t more obvious to many. It’s sobering how easy it is to twist Rom 13:1-2 into an uncritical embrace of the status quo). And then there was the question of women in leadership (still a big issue in many churches, but for my part let me simply note how blessed I was by the stunning sermon preached by an amazing woman at my home church last Sunday). And there are many more still in progress. Climate change, same sex marriage, welcoming refugees, the use of artificial intelligence, responses to warfare and conflict, which economic models are most likely to lead to justice and flourishing and so on. Some are met with indifference, others are fought with great intensity. They all matter, because something of great significance lies behind each, yet I wonder if that justifies the hostility often shown towards those who reach a different conclusion to our own.
Sometimes conflict in the local church is over less lofty topics. I can remember the fury expressed after someone supplied the church with a ho hum make of tea bags. That fades into insignificance alongside the outrage over the selection (or omission) of some worship songs, or forgetting to get the air conditioning fixed before Sunday! It is always disappointing when a strongly aspirational community loses its way and becomes small in its vision – but we’ve all seen it happen.
Between what we aspire towards and actually achieve, there’s the gap.
What are we to make of it?
Actually the gap is a reminder of who we are. A community restored by the forgiving grace of God – a community of imperfects. No, we shouldn’t gloss over our failures, but nor should we be so arrogant that they surprise us. Perhaps it is as well to think again of the apostle Paul’s experience. Roman’s 7 draws to it’s provocative conclusion. It’s tough to read v21 – for too often it reflects our own experience: “When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.” Paul gloomily bursts out in v 24: “What a wretched man I am!” He then asks a liberating question: “Who will rescue me from this body of death?” He answers in v25: “Thanks be to God – through Jesus Christ our Lord!”
And that’s it. Between our highest aspirations and our stark reality lies the gap – and in that gap, the loving forgiveness and grace of God – the Cross of Jesus. It is why Paul never lingers too long in gloomy mode. It is why as he writes his second letter to the Corinthians (and my, what a troublesome church that was!) he exclaims, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Cor 4:16).
Despite the many gaps we might experience this week, may you and I delight in being renewed day by day…
Nice chatting…
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