Much of life is paradoxical. Have you noticed that those with the most to complain about usually don’t, while those whose lot has fallen on pleasant paths often whinge endlessly. I don’t know why, but perhaps those for whom things routinely go right are so accustomed to this fortunate state that they instantly react when something is a little wrong. By contrast, those who regularly struggle are more likely to shrug off a new difficulty with a “well that hardly compares with some of the difficulties I’ve gone through. So let’s just move along.”
Rosemary and I saw it very clearly on our recent cruise – yup, the fact that we got to go on a cruise underlines that we am not entitled to be part of the grumbling class. Life has been good to us.
Faced with literally hundreds of food choices (and I mean hundreds – these cruises offer you an astonishing range) a passenger was mouthing off that there were no shrimps today – as there had been the previous day. He was really angry, as though it was some personal slight. Apparently he hadn’t felt like shrimps the day before, but he did today… and they weren’t available. My, he was angry. In fairness, a little part of me felt sympathetic. They made some wonderful chocolates that only came out every second day. My vote would have gone for having them everyday – but that’s not how it worked. However, what for me was mild disappointment was for him a justification for rage.
It set me thinking about when we have a right to complain.
The advice of Phil 2:14-15 is that we don’t! Paul instructs: “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation.”
“Fair enough for him” I hear you mutter. “He was an apostle. Easy for the privileged to set these lofty standards. They have such a cushy life.”
Hmmm, perhaps you have forgotten that Paul wrote this when in prison – and that not for stealing a fifty, but for faithfully serving Jesus. Actually, a few years later he was beheaded. I’d say that gave him some cause for complaint, except that as I said at the start, those most justified to complain very often don’t. A few verses earlier in Phil 1:29 Paul had suggested that it’s rather a privilege to suffer for Jesus. That’s certainly a different way of framing things.
Now I do want to be cautious when writing as I do. I am conscious that the “do everything without complaining” sentiment can be used abusively, and am aware that some cite it to manipulate people to carry out their suspect wishes. That’s just wrong, and I’m not suggesting we condone that. Toxic faith should be called out, and we must push back against it.
So is it ever right to complain?
Yes, especially if it is on behalf of others who might have no voice or whose voice is marginalised. And of course we must complain about the immoral, the illegal and the exploitative. Be more wary if your complaining is primarily on your own behalf unless it is for one of these big categories. There is something about being a Jesus follower that gives us an outward tilting, where it becomes less about me and more about those around me. Jesus went so far as to suggest that it is when we are willing to lose our life, that we find it (Matt 16:25).
Does that mean we should never complain on our own behalf?
No, but why not ask if you have earned the right to complain? In other words, have you made some constructive contribution? Put slightly differently, perhaps we shouldn’t view complaining as a basic human right, but one which is earned by having been a contributor to life. I guess it’s the old adage, that people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, or as Jesus asks in Matt 7:3, “Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own?” It’s a good question, and we need to check if our own home is in reasonable order before we dive in with criticism.
In all of this another attitude is waiting to be highlighted. It’s the neglected virtue of gratitude.
Gratitude starts with the biggest of all reasons – I’m grateful because God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself. Or as Paul writes in Rom 5:8 “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” I’m grateful for forgiveness. I’m grateful for God’s love. I’m grateful for God’s presence. I’m grateful for Jesus. I am grateful for the Spirit’s empowerment. I’m grateful that God is. I’m grateful for the Church. I’m grateful for the BIble. I’m grateful that in some very small way I am called to participate in God’s plan for the world.
If you are grateful for these things, you can face a day where neither shrimps nor chocolates are on the menu, and still be cheerful.
Nice chatting…
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