Purpose over Preference, and Noting the Difference…

Ever since the phenomenal success of Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life, conversations about the importance of purpose have abounded. Of course we are now a little less enthusiastic about being “driven” and are alert to the dangers of driven leaders and workplaces. Too often they birth burnout, and can subtly justify the abuse of individuals by claiming that the underlying cause is worthy. Much pain can result.

However, most things have a potential shadow side, so while acknowledging the possible downside of being “purpose driven”, I thought it worth reflecting on the benefits – especially on the benefit of recognising the difference between purpose and preference, and the appropriate role of each.

I’ve always loved the work of Frederick Buechner. Perhaps his most quoted insight is: “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” (Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC). Buechner imagines a serendipitous place where your deep gladness – and the world’s deep huger – meet. It’s a beautiful merging of calling, joy and need… and it is wonderful when it comes together like that.

But what if your deep ability and the world’s deep need meet – but you don’t especially enjoy doing what you are so good at? Put differently, what if you are able, and the need is real – but you really don’t want to do it? Should you go ahead and simply say: “Purpose over preference. It’s not about what I want, but about what I can do and what is needed.”

In case this sounds too theoretical, let me give you a church related example from many years ago.

She was an outstanding musician, and made an enormous difference to our worship team and our corporate worship. But she played for various groups during the week and wanted a break from it on the weekend. She came to me and asked, “Brian, I know that people appreciate the contribution I make on the worship team, but here’s the thing. I really want to teach in the children’s program. I love working with kids. Is it OK if I resign from the worship team and teach 4 year olds instead. I’m so motivated to do that.”

While it was good of her to ask me, I didn’t think it was a genuine query. I’ve never been the kind of pastor people have to get “permission” from – and realised it was more a polite statement of intent. My heart sank when she told me. I know many churches struggle to get enough people to teach in the children’s program, but we didn’t. That ministry was flourishing and going very well. What we needed was more musicians. We especially needed really good musicians – musicians like her. In my view, we really needed her to stay on the worship team. In a non-directive but directive way (if that makes sense – like many pastors I was pretty expert at saying, “of course it’s your choice but perhaps you’d like to think about…”), I tried to point her back to the worship team. I didn’t succeed, and hope I navigated the loss with good grace.

But decades later I still remember the conversation.

When it came to gifting and need, it was clear where we wanted her to serve. When it came to her preference (or too more positively put it into Buechner’s words, her “deep gladness”) it was clear where she should be. The trouble was that her deep gladness and our deep hunger did not meet. And what do you do when that it the case?

While it is easy to say “purpose over preference” – or “that which achieves a demonstrable good should topple that which is simply for our pleasure”, it often isn’t that simple.

True, it’s a dilemma Jesus faced head on. Faced with the Cross, his request to his Father was clear: “Lord, if it is possible, let this cup be taken away from me.” But he was also equally clear: “But not my will, but yours, be done.” That’s a clear purpose over preference.

But it was also for the loftiest of all purposes. As Paul reminds us in Col 1:19-20 “God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.” Realistically, that’s in a radically different league from getting a great line up for the worship team.

Here’s my question – and it’s a genuinely curious question, not a statement. When should we say yes to preference, even though more impactful options are within our reach? Or put differently, when is a need not a call – and when is it? How do we know if a need we can meet is a need we should meet (or how do we know when “could” has become “should”)? What is the role of sacrifice in Christian growth? How do we know if a sacrifice is worth making?

So that’s my question.

And perhaps this is my statement… naturally in the form of a question. Has the pendulum swung too far?

I grew up in a era when it was simply assumed that need trumped preference (“so what if you don’t want to do it – it’s your duty”). Perhaps because we pushed that too far, we are now more inclined to respond, “If it doesn’t speak to you, don’t respond. And don’t let anyone guilt you by endless ‘should’s’.” Is there a place for: “I didn’t want to do that – but knew it was the right thing, so I did it anyway?” Should purpose (and need) push well ahead of preference? And if so, what qualifiers should we add?

Ah, so many, many questions? I hope that this week you will be able to live out some deeply satisfying answers. And even more, I pray that your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger, will meet…

Nice chatting…

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