Hear, Help or Hug: 3 Ways to Respond
It was a slightly unexpected and somewhat abrupt question, but afterwards its wisdom struck me. I was chatting to a friend about a difficult thing that had happened and he simply asked: “So what would you like from me? To hear, to help or to hug?” It set me thinking about my instinctive response when people talk to me about something difficult. While I try to remember the importance of deep listening, I’m wired to swing into help mode. Tell me a problem, and I will quickly suggest 5 or 6 options that you can try. If you don’t like any of them, I’m usually able...
Read MoreLittle victories…
We sometimes think everything would change if we managed to get a major breakthrough in some troubling area of our life. We long for a slam dunk moment after which success is assured and all will be well. Perhaps its an investment that turns out to be a goldmine, or a new breathing technique that assures us we will be able to say goodbye to anxiety, or a magical combination of foods that mean calories no longer count. We long for that single step which will solve all. And the simple truth is that we are unlikely to find it. Progress in life is most often found through little victories....
Read MoreIlluminator or Diminisher?
I recently watched a YouTube talk in which David Brooks discusses his new book How to Know a Person – which explores listening to and seeing others well. It is filled with deep insights, but one especially struck me. Brooks asks if we are essentially illuminators or diminishers in our conversations. Naturally he elaborates. He suggests there are those who listen to reply, often to top what has been said, or to claim the same experience but more so. They take hold of conversations to redirect them to their agenda. They are not necessarily intending to be rude, but they prefer to be the...
Read MoreWhen experience holds us back…
I’ve always viewed experience as an advantage. When you’ve gone through something a few times you pick up insights along the way, and learn what to embrace and what to avoid. If you keep making the same mistakes you have only yourself to blame, so other than experience meaning we are a little older, what’s the downside? I guess every advantage has a shadow, and it’s as well to be aware that even experience has potential hazards. Think of a few… Those who have experience assume they know, but what if our experience was at the ho hum level, and we never ask if we...
Read MoreOn what we don’t hear…
I’m due to preach from Matthew 16:21 where Jesus announces his suffering and death. Often that’s how we summarise that verse (the heading in my Bible is “Jesus predicts his death”), but actually if you look at it more closely you will spot that it also predicts Jesus’ resurrection on the third day. I wonder why his disciples reacted so strongly to the announcement of the bad news that he must suffer and die, but then appear to have paid no attention to the astonishing good news that immediately followed, that on the third day he would be raised from the dead. Do...
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