The in and out dilemma: Should we magnify our differences?

By and large we live in a tolerant era – well, it’s tolerant until it isn’t. What do the things we both tolerate and exclude tell us about ourself and the time in which we live? And what’s the difference between tolerating something and embracing it? Should we go on about our differences, or focus more on the common ground between us? And should our differences drive us apart, or draw us together in curious wonder?

That’s a lot of questions for an opening paragraph! I guess I’m asking them because the longer I live, the more I notice how often people don’t fit their stereotype. Let me give you an example…

Shortly after I published my 2020 book, Why Christianity is Probably True, an atheist site posted some satirical comments about it. The comments didn’t really say much about the book (surprisingly the “reviewer” admitted he hadn’t read it, but was confident he knew what it would say) and were factually unfounded (apparently I am a British theologian!), but the tone was ugly. Out the blue I got an email from someone who identified as an atheist from Europe who had read the “review” and was concerned that I would find it hurtful, and hoped that I was ok. We corresponded for a while. It was during the Covid lockdowns and he had a horrible run with the disease. He was pleased that I prayed for him even though he was sure it would make no difference. It was a really lovely set of interactions. Neither of us changed the other, but we did share some of our common humanity. It wasn’t at all what I would have expected to result from a hostile review. None of the stereotypes fitted.

Naturally, some of you may wonder if these questions are of any relevance. You may live in a harmonious world where disagreements are rare. Of course that could be because your group has been self selecting, and not really open to those who think differently. With dissenters excluded, an agreeable echo chamber is quickly established. However, saying the same thing over and over does not make it either true or false – it simply makes it the dogma of that group. Here’s my question. Do we sometimes cut ourselves off from others because they don’t repeat a mantra we consider to be really important? If we do, we should ask if we are confident the mantra is right, and even if right, if it is important enough.

Another example…

He was an unlikely convert. From an academic background and having been publicly critical of Christianity (he had a reasonable public profile – and was often consulted by the media), I was surprised when he started attending the church where I was pastor. Love does strange things to you, and he had recently married someone who had also started attending the church. She was more open than he, and her conversion felt like a simple step of coming home, rather than a journey to a foreign land. Because he loved her, he kept attending with her. He was a big personality – larger than life in so many ways. But God was working in him and the day came when he asked to see me and said, “I’ve taken that step from cynical doubt to quiet trust. It’s been a bit of a jolt, but it’s happened. I’m following Jesus. Something very deep inside has changed. I sometimes have to pinch myself to ask if its real. But people are starting to notice. They say I’ve changed. Some of them seem to think it’s for the better! I think it’s that I am not as angry as I used to be. And I know it is all about Jesus and the difference he is making in my life.” He asked to be baptised, which he was at a wonderfully joyous service a few weeks later.

But here’s the thing.

At a church prayer meeting later that week a somewhat disbelieving believer thanked God for the baptism of this man, but followed it up by asking that he would now “really be converted”. I wondered what she meant. I suspect that his reviews of various fine wines troubled her (“real Christians don’t drink”) as did his easy familiarity with many things she considered “worldly”. She wanted him to be more of a clone of the kind of Christian she was used to. He might have been saved by God’s grace, but that apparently was God’s standard, not hers. She thought a more rigorous test was needed.

It’s the old “in” and “out” dilemma. We have our criteria by which we decide who is in and out, and they make sense to us, but I suspect God finds them a little less convincing. The history of the church emphatically underlines this. Today we congratulate ourself that we are in a post denominational era. The deep suspicions that once divided denominations have largely collapsed in a heap. But that does not mean that the “my kind of Christian” brigade is any less active.

Does that mean anything goes? Of course not. But it is a plea for a touch of caution. Stereotypes aren’t people, and God’s love is greater than we might imagine. Furthermore, the generosity of the good news of Jesus should always surprise us. And it isn’t good news if it comes with multiple excluding qualifiers. How would it be if instead of praying that those we disagree with would “really be converted” we prayed that we would be really converted… And how about I start praying that prayer for me…

Nice chatting…

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