When subtracting is adding: 8 Suggestions for a “don’t do” list

In our FOMO world, saying yes to new opportunities is the new normal. It has many benefits, and certainly it is far better to lean into life and all it offers than to embrace FOGO – the fear of going out and seeing threat and hazard everywhere. But because every yes is also a no, we need to ask if subtracting things from our life is sometimes the best way to add to it.

Like me, you probably find yourself more productive with a daily “to do” list. I usually dive into the things that I can achieve quickly and with little effort, finding that adding the little “done” tick next to them keeps me energised as I move toward the more challenging items. It’s great to finish a day and to look back at what’s been accomplished, and to conclude that priorities have been right and progress has been made. Naturally that’s doesn’t happen every day – but when it does, it’s very satisfying.

More recently, however, I’ve started to think about several things I do that are really not very helpful. Some are simply time wasters – checking to see how many people have read my latest blog post (I do keep an eye on the numbers!) or hopefully opening my banking app to see if some unexpected payment has been made (nope, nope, nope), or checking the rainfall for the last 24 hours (who knows why – but I do!) Some are more destructive – allowing myself to brood over some perceived wrong (that is so unfair!), or replaying in my mind something that came out the wrong way at a talk I gave (I can’t believe I said that!), or being unhelpfully critical of others.

It has made me ask if I need to draw up a “don’t do” list. My plan is to tick them off at the end of the day – checking that I avoided doing things that often trip me up. The last one will be a “don’t be self righteous” – an awkward one to smugly check off, but hopefully a little reminder that all of life flows from the goodness and grace of God.

So what is on my newly minted “don’t do” list? Some probably tell you more about me and might have no relevance for you – but I’m sure you are more than capable of adding you own. Here are some of the things I’m aiming to either stop doing or to significantly reduce doing.

1. Instinctively going to the fridge when I arrive home. I want to replace that bad habit by only going there when it is time to eat and opening the fridge door is a necessary part of that activity.
2. Interrupting people when I think I know what they are going to say and letting them know I’ve got the point and they can hurry along. This is a bad habit of mine that is both rude and dismissive. But there you go. I’ve said it, and having it down on the list will hopefully help me to start improving here.
3. Think less about the future and live more in the now. Again, this might well be more of a me thing, but I’ve always been more future than now focused. Is the goal of the journey the journey or the destination? It’s an interesting question. I’ve always been in the “destination” camp, but I think I need to start moderating that a little and to be more in the now.
4. To stop noting what’s wrong before I have noticed what is right. I think I’ve been in education too long. I spot the flaw in an argument before I spot its heartbeat, and that’s a mistake. No, I am not saying I want to say goodbye to logic and common sense, but I want to stop the critic coming out first, and to let my initial response be appreciation and praise.
5. To stop fear controlling my decisions. I’m not too bad on this one, and usually I am shaped by my hopes far more than my fears, but sometimes I allow anxiety to get in the way. The end of day test on this one is then “you didn’t let your fears and anxieties shape todays agenda.”
6. To stop worrying about others opinions of me, especially if it gets in the way of doing what I know to be right. This one is easy to say, but I still care a little too much about what others think of me. I’d far prefer to be shaped by the good news of Jesus, and its liberating agenda for the world.
7. To stop checking my phone at every free moment, and to replace that with intentionally looking around and asking “I wonder what is going on for the people (or creatures) I see – and should I be doing anything about that?” If I manage to do that, that’s at least 40 more reflections on those around me, than on my phone.
8. Don’t be self righteous – well I’ve already spoken to that one.

Now those of you who know me might well want to add another 108 things you would like me to stop doing, but for now, I figure if I am able to make these 8 subtractions, I will be adding a whole lot more to life.

For those who appreciate it when I add some Bible verses to my reflections, why not ponder the glorious words of Hebrew 12:1-2a “Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…”

Nice chatting…

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