Taking steps towards radical honesty…
Have you ever been in a relationship where the person says, “I want you to be completely honest with me” and you make the mistake of believing them? There is something about complete honesty that can be very confronting. Even if we are told the “complete truth” it is usually massaged to make it a little more palatable – or at least, it is massaged if the person is a friend, but might be coldly dumped (and perhaps exaggerated) if an enemy. I’ve been thinking through my values – the things I most truly hold to – and asked myself where honesty...
Read MoreThe power of “yet” and “not yet”…
They can be two such frustrating words. You hear the question:”Have you figured out how that new app works?” or “Have you worked out how to put that IKEA chair together?” You know the answer will be those two words: “Not yet!” They can be even more worrying: “Have you got the new job you’re looking for?” “Not yet.” Perhaps its even worse, “Is your relationship any better?” or “Is the chemo starting to work?” And you hear the sobering response: “Not yet.” The first word is a negative...
Read MoreLiving on the Edge of the Inside: Why it’s OK to only Partly Belong…
Many years back I read Paul Tournier’s A Place for You, and was struck by his story of a young man who said simply: “Basically I’ve always been looking for a place – a place to be.” Perhaps it was because I identified, and realised that most of my life I have felt as though I belong – but also as though I don’t. It’s an oddly ambivalent feeling – being at home, but not really. And here was Tournier putting words to it -this search for home, a place where you can be without pretence, a place you feel you truly belong. I’m not sure I...
Read MoreBecause Success is a Lagging Indicator…
I can still hear her saying it. She had been asked why so many people engage in ultimately destructive behaviours, while healthy habits are quietly ignored. Her answer was simple, but it has stuck with me. “Because success is a lagging indicator.” Naturally she elaborated, but she didn’t need to. Those six words were enough to bring the “ah ha” of recognition to me. “Because success is a lagging indicator…” We often think in terms of cause and effect. Put your hand on a dish straight out the oven, and there is an immediate yelp of pain and and...
Read MoreFrom Deep Listening to Deep Seeing…
One fun thing about being part of a podcast is that it is only very loosely scripted and you find yourself saying things you don’t expect. While sometimes they are in the “I shouldn’t have said that” category, I’ve also had really pleasing moments when I’ve thought, “gosh, that was good. Did I really say that?” My recent Stirrers and Saints Podcast on “Mary – A Leader from the second chair” has one of those moments. Jen, Jon and I were talking about the importance of deep listening, and while totally agreeing with the value of...
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