Because Honesty is the Highest Form of Loyalty
It was a throw away comment in an Adam Grant podcast I was listening to at the gym. Remember, he said, “honesty is the highest form of loyalty.” Of course, just because someone says something doesn’t mean it’s true, but in this instance I thought it worth thinking about – and I guess this blog is part of that thinking process. I put the comment alongside another discussion I heard on The Rest is Politics podcast, where the ever interesting Alastair Campbell was speaking about the Shimon Peres solution. “What’s that” you ask? In 1985 US President...
Read MoreHear, Help or Hug: 3 Ways to Respond
It was a slightly unexpected and somewhat abrupt question, but afterwards its wisdom struck me. I was chatting to a friend about a difficult thing that had happened and he simply asked: “So what would you like from me? To hear, to help or to hug?” It set me thinking about my instinctive response when people talk to me about something difficult. While I try to remember the importance of deep listening, I’m wired to swing into help mode. Tell me a problem, and I will quickly suggest 5 or 6 options that you can try. If you don’t like any of them, I’m usually able...
Read MoreFrom Deep Listening to Deep Seeing…
One fun thing about being part of a podcast is that it is only very loosely scripted and you find yourself saying things you don’t expect. While sometimes they are in the “I shouldn’t have said that” category, I’ve also had really pleasing moments when I’ve thought, “gosh, that was good. Did I really say that?” My recent Stirrers and Saints Podcast on “Mary – A Leader from the second chair” has one of those moments. Jen, Jon and I were talking about the importance of deep listening, and while totally agreeing with the value of...
Read MoreAsking Questions Like Jesus…
Don’t know if you were ever caught up in the WWJD quest – that’s “what would Jesus do” if the initials don’t immediately speak to you. It’s a good question, and it’s only possible to answer it if we look seriously at the WDJD query – what did Jesus do? When it comes to what Jesus did do, we know a few things for sure – he taught, he healed, he provoked, he forgave, he challenged. He lived, he died and he rose again. And so much more. Part of the so much more that doesn’t always get a look in is the way Jesus asked and answered...
Read MoreIlluminator or Diminisher?
I recently watched a YouTube talk in which David Brooks discusses his new book How to Know a Person – which explores listening to and seeing others well. It is filled with deep insights, but one especially struck me. Brooks asks if we are essentially illuminators or diminishers in our conversations. Naturally he elaborates. He suggests there are those who listen to reply, often to top what has been said, or to claim the same experience but more so. They take hold of conversations to redirect them to their agenda. They are not necessarily intending to be rude, but they prefer to be the...
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