From Illusion to Prayer: Facing our Limitations

Is there a control freak tucked away inside of you? If so, you probably try to be subtle about it – after all, who wants to be the anxious micro-manager, determined that everything gets done their way? Beneath it there is often a deeper anxiety, the fear that everything depends upon you and that if you loosen your grip on things, they may quickly get outside of your control. But what if you realised a deeper truth, that the feeling of being in control is at best an illusion? Rather than trigger you into panic, what if this realisation opened a door to deeper prayer and trust?

This is the third and final post sparked by Henri Nouwen’s extraordinary book on the three movements of the spiritual life, Reaching Out. In the first we looked at the journey from loneliness to solitude, in the second the journey from hostility to hospitality, and today, the movement away from illusion towards prayer. While Nouwen’s thinking has sparked the original idea for each, I’ve developed them in my own way, so blame me if you disagree!

Here’s a little taste of what Nouwen says about the the journey from illusion to prayer:

“It is a sign of spiritual maturity when we can give up our illusory self-control and stretch out our hands to God. But it would be just another illusion too believe that reaching out to God will free us from pain and suffering. Often, indeed, it will take us where we rather would not go. But we know that without going there we will not find our life.”

Challenging words…

Nouwen doesn’t limit our illusion to being in control. He also suggests that we delude ourself by thinking we will find joy and satisfaction through acquiring more and more things, or fame and popularity. It is almost inevitable that our quest for meaning starts with this search for false gods. Because so many devote their energy to building wealth and recognition, we assume this is the valid starting point. But the evidence from those who travel this road is that its promise is illusionary. We’ve all recently watched the bitter conflicts between some of the richest people on this planet. The message is clear enough. If you think wealth and power will bring you happiness, think again.

Not that happiness should be our marker. As Nouwen notes, it is simply another illusion to think that reaching out to God will end our pain and hurt. To the contrary, God often leads us along difficult and stretching paths, paths we would never take unless we were convinced God had pointed us towards them.

That is why Nouwen suggests that the journey is away from illusion (or false assumptions and promises), towards prayer.

Why prayer?

Because in prayer we find our deeper identity in God. We spot our role – modest though it is – within the wider purposes of God. More significantly, we discover that our deepest joy comes not as a result of what we do, but because of a deepening and ever growing relationship with God. Rather than being shattered through difficult experiences, it is often strengthened.

What does it mean to give up the illusion of being in control?

Strangely it does not mean that we retreat and do nothing. To the contrary, because I am not ultimately in control I more intentionally seize the moments of strength that are gifted to me (and all of life is gift). I know I cannot hold on to them forever, but I can use them while I can, and use them in a way that delights the God who invites me to call him Father.

When I know that I am not ultimately in control, I am less fearful when I see control slip from my reach. I might not have predicted a challenging medical diagnosis, but when suddenly faced with one, I remember that I have never been in control of the really big things in life – like the day or location of my birth, or the time when I draw my final breath. At some level I can even say with deep gratitude “thank you that I now have no option but to depend upon You. And I know no one who is more trustworthy than You.”

At a practical level, what does this mean for us this week?

As we rush through our long to do list, perhaps we can take a moment to pause and reflect, “this could all change in an instant. For it is an illusion to think that I am in charge. So let me hold lightly to what I have, and trust more deeply in the God of the Ages.”

Nice chatting…

Photo by Sora Shimazaki: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-in-blue-denim-jacket-holding-a-megaphone-5935743/

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