You’ve probably heard that discipline is one of the most accurate predictors of long term success. And it is – especially if it is the resilient kind of discipline that accepts that life has its disappointments and lows, and that not everything runs to plan. Having the resilience and discipline to persevere during those times is crucial, and without them people give up too easily, and then wonder why their longed for dream does not materialise.
How do we get this kind of discipline? Opinions vary. Many of them are of the “grit your teeth and stick it out” variety. When you object “that’s too hard”, you are likely to be met with a “what kind of a wimp are you?” stare, and will know you have been relegated to the “not going to make it” basket. Perhaps there is some truth in that, but I think there are more effective strategies.
I’ve found turning some healthy disciplines into habits has been a relatively painless game changer. Out of habit I look for a distant, not a close car park, so that I build in some walking and thinking time when I go places. I don’t eat after 8 pm – unless it’s a social function where that would be awkward. I find myself doing my morning stretches before I’ve fully realised that I’ve woken up… and I could go on. The thing you need to do is to turn as many of the building blocks of healthy disciplines into simple, easy to keep, habits.
The nice thing about habits is that they take the angst out of decision making. Should I keep looking for a parking bay close to the entry? Why would I? I need the walking and thinking time. Should I indulge in this tasty delicacy? It’s 8:15pm so that’s a nope – don’t even think about going there. Should I bother with stretches this morning? Hold on – I’ve already done them!
Helpful though this is, I’ve been struck by the importance of two other D words – design and delight.
Why do they matter?
A story first.
As a young pastor I was assigned to an older mentor. He was the minister of a large and successful church. I learnt a lot from him. I especially marvelled at his work ethic. He worked exceptionally hard and was very disciplined. It produced results, for despite the fact that the church was now in a location that was no longer ideal, new people kept coming and the church kept growing. The parking was terrible – but he always managed to broker some deal to allow congregants to leave their car within striking distance. Crime was high in the area – but that was simply a matter of getting a security guard. The area had been rezoned as industrial, and now almost no families lived in the area – but he ensured the church was so attractive that people felt the effort to get there was worth it. After serving the congregation for almost 20 years, he moved on. Everyone agreed that he had done a fantastic job. Virtually every year attendance at the church had grown – not dramatically, but around 3-4% annually. Don’t underestimate how much that adds up over a 20 year period.
A new pastor was appointed. After his first year he announced that it was crazy for the church to remain in its location. As he said “We are fighting an unwinable battle. We are designed to be a family church, and we are located in an area without families. The areas not going to change, in fact, each year it gets a little worse. So let’s move. The church isn’t bricks and mortar – it’s people. We can do it.”
And they did. After a study to discover where most of their congregants lived, they found vacant land there, purchased it, and built a complex that was an ideal fit for their ministry. In the first year they grew not by the usual 3-4% but by 50%, the second by 23% and they reached a double digit percentage for each of the 5 years thereafter.
As their new pastor said to me in a conversation I have always remembered, “There are some battles you can’t win. You can keep working harder and harder to soften the disadvantages, but if the basic design is wrong, you are wasting your time. You need both discipline and design, but design comes first.” For that congregation, location had become their design flaw. It wasn’t always that way – there was a time when it was most suitable. And that was the issue – the conviction that changed circumstances simply meant that they should work harder, instead of getting the design (in this instance location), right.
I do a fair amount of coaching, and a not uncommon discussion is around the suitability of the person’s place of employment – be that the reporting structure and priorities of the company, or, if the person I am coaching is the CEO, the vision, values and priorities of the board, and the influence that the CEO can or cannot exert. While I have a bent towards encouraging people to be the change they want to see, sometimes we have come to the philosophical conclusion that what the person I am coaching is looking for is simply incompatible with what their company wants, or how it is structured. It isn’t a question of their needing to work harder, or being more disciplined in what they do. They are looking for something different – something their present setting doesn’t really want and probably doesn’t value. That’s a design issue – being a “square peg in a round hole” to quote the old expression. And if you are that square peg, you have to ask if either you or the company are for changing, and if the answer is “neither”, then despite all the discipline in the world, you are probably wasting your (and your companies) time. It’s not about discipline, it’s about design.
Design is meant to set you up for success, but if flawed, it actually positions you for failure. Too often we are passive about flawed structures, and think that all that is required it to try harder. But that can be like whistling in the wind – a flat and unhelpful refusal to face the inevitable. Naturally it takes courage to read situations for what they are. Ironically, trying harder and harder can feel easier than taking a deep breath and saying, “the fundamentals need to change here, and if they can’t (or won’t) I need to find or design something else.”
As a Christian I am often surprised by how often people fail to ask the most basic of design questions – questions like “why was I born?”, “is there any purpose to life?” “is there a God, and if so, what difference does it make?” For myself, I have found deep and meaningful answers to these questions within the Christian faith. In the 50 plus years that I have been a Jesus follower I have found the framework for life that Jesus points to is rich and meaningful. Indeed, as Jesus says, it is designed so that we might have “life, and life in all its fullness” (John 10:10). True, it’s not simplistic – some kind of straightjacket with 17 easy steps to ensure that all is well – but the broad principles gifted to us, and the promise of the presence of God’s Spirit with us, make all the difference. No, it’s not about gritting your teeth and following some difficult disciplines. Rather, it is about leaning into the purpose of your design, and discovering that, as Dante wisely said, “in His will, is our peace.”
The third D is delight. That probably speaks for itself, but don’t forget it. Frederick Buechner famously wrote, “The place God leads you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” I love it – deep gladness linked to actual need and purpose. That’s a formula for delight! And if discipline is required to make a difference, what of it? If I am working in the realm of my deep gladness – then any weight I must carry, feels light.
Design, discipline and delight – why not pause a moment this week (perhaps now), and ask how each of these D’s are turning up in your life? It could even be life changing…
Nice chatting…
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Thanks very much for this post. The design issue has resonated with me. We can simply try to work harder but if the design is not right it needs to be changed. That can be easier said than done as people cling to the design they are used to even if it is no longer fit for purpose. Thanks for the stimulating thinking this post has generated for me.
Thanks Phillip. I’ve fallen into the ‘just work harder’ trap too often, not realising how much is lost when we don’t face the need to redesign.