Reflections on Transitioning to Retirement: 5 Years On… (Part 2)

My first post on my journey towards retirement focused on what I have been doing in the 5 years since I completed my 17 year stint as principal of Vose Seminary. I worked with the philosophy that an abrupt change from the 60 hour working week of that era to a shattering zero would be unwise, and I’ve now moved to a hopefully long term sustainable 35-40 hour work week. I should probably add that whereas my 60 hour week often involved dealing with stressful situations, I’ve been moving away from stress. There is not none (and would you really want a totally stress free existence?), but there is an awful lot less. I get to do most things for the sheer joy of doing them.

I promised that this post would be less about what I have been doing and more of my reflections on the changes and experiences I have had along the way. I hope that this does not come across as a piece of entitled self indulgence, and that in some way it can be helpful to you in your journey, regardless of where you are in life’s many stages. I am conscious that its initial publication is set for 31 Dec 2025 – and that the change of years is a good time for self review, and setting direction. For what its worth then, these are some of the things I have been learning over the last 5 years, most of which were consumed with the creation of Avenir Leadership – but read the first post for more on that.

To be tidy I have outlined 5 insights from the last 5 years – a modest one per year!

One: It’s OK not to be the main player.

The essence of being a consultant is that you are not the main player. You are there to help those who are, and to help them to ensure that their decisions are well considered, aligned with their vision and mission, and likely to serve them well over the long term. It’s about being a hospitable but objective voice. I’ve often found myself saying, “You are probably not going to like me for saying this, but you shouldn’t pay me if I don’t. Have you considered…” Those comments are never made to look smart or to justify being there, but from a sense of responsibility to set others up to succeed. And because I’m trying to set the other person up to succeed I have to constantly remind myself, “This is not about me and what my preference is. This is about these people and this organisation and what is within their reach. How can I help them to play their best game.”

While such thinking was certainly not foreign to me (after all, between Rosebank Bible College and Vose Seminary I’d spent 20 years as the principal of Colleges trying to grow and develop each and every student entrusted to our care), I was very conscious that during those years I had to be the “face” of each College. I had to get out and about, making sure our presence was widely felt, and I had to assist staff to get out and about – be that through public gigs or being noted in the academic world through publications, conference participation, or serving on academic boards and committees. Yes, it was about the students and what we did was for the enhancement of students, but there was the sense that I and the staff were the key players.

It’s very different in the world of consultancy. When you complete a consultancy most people don’t even know you were involved – and confidentiality considerations mean that you often can’t mention organizations and people you have been engaged with. You are a helpful player – but you are not the main player. The buck does not stop with you. You see some of your recommendations followed up on, others ignored, and you smile through the process. You are there to help to the best of your ability (and growing that ability is important), but you are certainly not the lead act.

How have I experienced that?

At one level it has been an enormous relief. You are a guide, but ultimately the client knows their organisation best and it is up to them to decide what to adopt and what not. I don’t try and second guess their decisions, nor do I agonise over them, even if they are different to the ones I would have made.

At another level it has often left me feeling, “Oh I wish I was 30 years younger. There are so many great things being done. I’d love to get more involved with that.” There are many places we have worked with where I have felt “I’d love to be one of the main players here. If only I was younger!” But I am not, and that is that.

And yes, I have looked back at the past and at times thought, “I wish I had had me as a consultant! If we had done that differently it would have been so much better.” I’m not a “regret” person, and don’t wallow in “what could have been if only that hadn’t happened”, but I have reviewed the past and now think about some decisions differently. I am not filled with regret (to the contrary, I feel enormous gratitude for the past), but if I had the insight I have now back then, I would do some things differently. I didn’t – so regret is a waste of energy, but I am trying to both learn from the past (and I continue to challenge myself that “the more we change, the more we stay the same” – in other words, while deeper life themes seem to change by reappearing in different clothing, some patterns are deeply ingrained and don’t shift without ongoing monitoring) and to find ways to pass on the learnings from the past. I am not the main player – so let me find ways to help those who are.

Two: It’s a privilege to help other shine.

Clearly this is closely linked to the point above. It really is a privilege to help others shine. One of my greatest joys in the last few years has been the work I have done in coaching and spiritual direction. While coaching is different to spiritual direction, I have been surprised by how often they have floated together as the “where is God in this” and “what is God saying through this” (key questions in spiritual direction) have bumped into the questions and issues explored in coaching.

Contrary to what some think, the goal of coaching is not to get the person coached to become a clone of you. Rather it is to help them to think deeply about who they are, what they hope to achieve, what is appropriate at this stage of their journey, what they are learning along the way, what options lie before them, what alternate ways of doing things can be considered and so on. When people trust you (and why would you go to a coach you don’t trust?) they often open up deeply and invite you into their world. It is a sacred space and I consider it one of the greatest privileges of my life to have participated in some transformative conversations. Not that every coaching session is transformative – nor should it be. Often it is simply a solid conversation where we touch base on the important things to ensure all is on track.

Where ever the conversation leads, it is an honour to be part of it, and I hope to continue growing the work I do in coaching and spiritual direction over the next 5 years (and DM me if you would like to explore options).

Three: Don’t sweat the small stuff.

The older I get the more I realise that I have wasted far too much emotional energy worrying about things that are of little consequence. I have also wasted time worrying about things that are completely outside of my control and where the only lever at my disposal is the attitude I adopt when thinking about it. These last five years I have got a lot better at simply taking a deep breath and trusting the “Amor Fati” principle (where you are a little more confident that things don’t so much happen to you, but for you – at least to the extent that you embrace them rather than whistling in the dark over things you are unable to change). While some are dismissive of the underlying Stoicism that is built into that idea, I am struck by how fully Christian theology has interacted with and been shaped by Stoicism. Replace Stoicisms disengaged force behind reality with the loving and responsive God of Christian theology, and much of great value emerges. But I am at risk of getting side tracked. I’m simply trying to say that I’ve been learning to worry less about what I can’t control, to see the minor as minor, to approach differences with greater generosity (which surely starts by noting how much we don’t disagree about), and to enjoy life a whole lot more as a result.

Four: Notice now

We are all wired a little differently. I’ve come to realise that I instinctively think of the years ahead. Even this post, while reviewing the last five years, is written with an awareness that I must plan the next 5. I’ve noticed that some people tend to live in the past (and have a bent towards nostalgia), others are future focused and deeply conscious of changes ahead (that’s me), while relatively few are able to be grateful for the past, hopeful for the future, while living in the now. I think I am learning to savour “now” moments a little more.

Some of this has been through losses. The older you get, the more people you lose along the way. You attend more funerals than you would like, and while you are grateful that they are not your own (ha ha), it becomes increasingly clear that life moves in one direction. Someone recently said to me, “If you don’t make friends younger than you, you soon won’t have any.” There is wisdom in that. But it is also important to notice who you have now, and who you will miss when they have gone.

This doesn’t just apply to people. Rosemary and I have decided to downsize (or right size) and are currently having a home half the size of our present one, built (the photo at the start is us in it a few weeks ago). We are doing it for good reasons. We want to be able to lock and leave; we don’t want a larger footprint than we need; we want our amazing home to go to a family who can appreciate it to the full (as we have done for the 16 years we have been in it – but now it is more than we need or can effectively use). But we both feel a deep pang of sadness at the thought of letting it go. Except – except that the new home isn’t finished yet, and we are still in it now – albeit for only a few months longer. We have been having the grandkids around to swim in the pool a little more, and have cranked up the spa and got it functional again, and are going on long walks through the beautiful area where we stay – because right now our home is still ours and we can do it. Soon it will belong to someone else. I’ve felt it important to “notice now” – it will change (and there are many wonderful features in our soon to be home), but when we walk out this home for the last time I want to be able to do it without regret, knowing we embraced each “now” moment to the full.

Five: If you’re 68, it’s OK to subscribe to BritBox.

OK, this one is a little tongue in cheek, but while I strongly advocate keeping up with things and embracing change (and am determined that I will not become one of those older people who constantly go on about how much better things used to be [as if they were!]), a little nostalgia is OK. So yes, we subscribe to Britbox, not Netflix (which we get to watch when we babysit at either Nick or Amy’s homes – wasn’t “Adolescence” good – very disturbing but really thought provoking). Why Britbox? Well what’s not to love about Vera, and Shetland and the Marlow Murder Club and… well, OK, I know that none of my offspring have any interest in subscribing to it (or watching it when they are here), but Rosemary and I delight in it, even if it dates us! Oh, and I did get our youngest Jett (now 31) to read Agatha Christies “And then there were none” – and he loved it. We have now loaned him “The Murder of Roger Ackroyd” – so all is not lost!

I said this would be a more personal post, so let me end on a note of gratitude for my wonderful family and their spouses and our four grandchildren. For those who want a quick update on them (and I realise that while some of the blog readers know our family well, others don’t know them at all), Rosemary (my wonderful wife of 45 years) has now been fully retired for 3 years. She didn’t transition to retirement but after one month short of half a century of nursing dived straight into a busy life of family and grandchildren and church and being a listening ear to so, so many people. She is well, though is working on some joint and arthritis issues. We both have a daily stretching routine that we follow with religious fervour for we know the consequences we suffer if we do not!

Talking of health, I can’t resist a little brag. Most weeks I get to the gym about 4 times and have been a little more intentional about my routines. This not only saw my gym use me as their poster boy in their publicity (I kid you not – true, it is a gym largely attended by older people), but they have a fancy body scanning machine that gives you your biological age as opposed to your chronological age. When I started with them it said that while my chronological age was 68, my biological age was 66 (not bad) but when I checked it again yesterday it tells me that my biological age is now 63. If it is to be believed, I have not aged at all in this 5 year period I am reviewing! Should current trends continue, I might be an impressive 43 biological years in another decade. Well, perhaps…

What about our children – all very much adults now, ranging from 31 – 40?

Our oldest, Nic, turned 40 this year and is now Head of Secondary School at South Coast Baptist College. He has now been in the post for two years and is finding it deeply fulfilling. His wife Cat teaches at Providence Christian College and their two daughters Maya Rose (10) and Kora Lee (8) continue to delight us with their creativity and active engagement with all that life brings. Their busy routine includes netball, swimming, cross country, ballet and choir. They also do pretty well at ordinary old school work!

Amy and Aaron now have two children – Ashton (4) and Audrey (1) so they are the four A’s. Send them a letter addressed to A.Chidgzey and you will totally confuse them. Like Cat, Amy also teaches at Providence Christian College – though with the children so young she does this on a .4fte post while supplementing the family income by online tutoring in the Education Department at Curtin University – which she can do from home. Aaron has started a new business in writing and helping others tell their story well. He also helps me with some of the work I do in the Centre for Faith and Life.

Jett and his wife Em are currently on a holiday in Europe – which they have been planning for a couple of years. Jett manages the Timber cafes, often performs (playing guitar) at gigs, and does a little private consulting, while Em is a Senior Lawyer at the Aboriginal Legal Service where she is able to make a difference in helping address some of the deep inequalities in society.

Both Nick, Amy and their families worship together with us at Carey Baptist while Jett and Em are a part of Riverview Church, where Em is also on the worship team.

I could go on and on, but at over 2800 words this has been a marathon post. Congrats if you have got this far. I look to the past with gratitude and to the future with hope, confident that the kindness and faithfulness of God endures, or as Psalm 19:14 puts it, that the Lord is “my Rock and my Redeemer”.

It remains only for me to wish you all the best for the New Year.

Nice chatting…

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