Apparently 88% of people break their New Year resolutions within 2 weeks and only 8% are following them at the year end. Given that most say they will achieve things without having thought through a realistic plan, that’s not too surprising. We often set ourselves up to fail by making improbable pledges that are hard to implement. When we assure ourselves that we will go to the gym every day, we are sabotaging our likelihood of success because once a day is missed, the goal can’t be met, so after a missed day or two, why not give up altogether?
One insight I have found helpful is to stop setting “doing” goals and to change them into “being” statements. What does this mean? Instead of saying I am going to the gym 5 times a week and will limit myself to consuming 2000 calories a day, I will adopt a persona for myself – I will affirm the person I am becoming and act in the light of that. Rather than “going to the gym” I view myself as a person who values my physical fitness. Rather than naming the number of calories I will eat, and sweating in the face of every tasty delicacy, I will affirm that “I am a person who eats a healthy diet”. That doesn’t mean I will always say no to the cheese cake, but my default is the bigger picture of who I am – and I am a person who takes my health seriously, so let me be who I am.
This is essentially what James Clear is saying in Atomic Habits when he writes:
“Improvements are only temporary until they become part of who you are.
- The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader.
- The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner.
- The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician.”
I’ve played around with this and have come up with 5 I am statements – 5 key things I want to remember about myself, and to live in the light of. My invitation to you is to do the same. Naturally different things might loom large on your horizon, but here are five “I am” styled statements that I aim to live up to.
One: I am a child of God.
When all else is stripped away, this is the deepest and most profound truth of my life. The invitation is to allow the Ps 19:20 affirmation that the Lord is “my Rock and my Redeemer“, to shape me. I’m invited to ponder and to be transformed by the astonishing, identity conferring proclamation of 1 John 3:1 “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are.” As a child of God, I am part of the family of God. I now need to live out of this identity.
While I don’t make any assumptions about the faith of my readers, I know that most are Christians who are trying to follow the words, works and way of Jesus. If this is you, remember that this is your core identity. The question is not so much “what are you doing?” but are you participating in this as someone who knows who they are – who has the settled assurance that you belong in the family of God and there is therefore nothing to prove – only an identity to embrace.
Of course if this is not you and faith is not a significant factor in your life, the same principle still applies, though you will need to ask more deeply where you identity comes from and what flows from that.
Two: I am a husband, father and grandfather.
That simple statement “I am a husband, father and grandfather” goes to the heart of much of the joy and delight I have in life. It is also the springboard for much of the angst I often feel. Not that my family is a problem (they are anything but), but their challenges and concerns impact me. When life soars for them, my spirit lifts, when there are difficult issues being faced, I feel the burden of that. And so it should be, for I am a husband, father and grandfather. Of course like all parents I need to remind myself to care and pray deeply but to leave space and to let my offspring make their own decisions, supporting them in the process, but never trying to take it over (as if I could, ha ha). I’m struck by how well they do this. Roles slowly reverse in the course of life, and in their own way my children and grandchildren teach me as much about life as I teach them. I don’t say to myself “you are a father therefore…”, but rather I strive to live out the truth of being a husband, father and grandfather. My life reflects the significance and importance of each of these privileges given to me.
Now I realise that you might not have these roles (though many of you do), but if not, which are the key relationships you are in? Remember, being a friend is a lofty status, and one that can be transforming. Never underestimate its importance. Perhaps your statement could be: I am a genuinely good friend – and then see what flows from that.
Three: I am a pastor
I was ordained in George, South Africa at an Assembly of the Baptist Union of Southern Africa in 1985, and as I have moved from South Africa to New Zealand and then to Australia, that ordination has been recognised by the appropriate bodies in each of those countries. This has often expressed itself in holding official pastoral positions in churches, for many years it worked its way out as I trained others to become pastors, and today as I am more engaged in consultancy, coaching and spiritual direction, it expresses itself in the posture I adopt towards people and situations. Instead of diving to “what is in this for me”, because I am a pastor I remind myself to pause and to ask in what way I can approach this situation with pastoral eyes, and how I can in some way be a “shepherd” even when doing the work of strategic planning or reviewing culture, or helping assess how a small business could become viable. I try to see people others might have missed, and ask myself what it would take for them to live the “life in all its fullness” offered by Jesus (Jn 10:10).
Now you may well be thinking, “that’s great for you, but what about me?” Fair enough. You might not have been called to pastor (though I suspect all Christians are called to at least be pastoral in their approach to others) – but you might have other key markers that can given you direction. Pause a while and answer the “I am…” query. Perhaps you would complete it, “I am generous”. Wonderful – then live as someone who is generous in posture, speech, time, finance and actions. Perhaps it is “I am kind”. Wonderful – but ask what it means to be someone who is kind in posture, speech, time, finance and actions.
You can perhaps look at this the other way around. What do you say “I’m not that kind of person?” to? I remember someone suggesting how I could get back at someone who had been unfair to me, and found myself saying, “that is just not who I am. I wouldn’t be me if I did that”. It’s a fair sentiment, but it’s useful at those moments to ask “why isn’t it me?” Answering that question thoughtfully can help you understand and live from your identity more fully.
Four: I am called
Like every other Christian I am invited to respond to Jesus’ call to “come, follow me” (Matt 4:19). I am not shadowboxing, or as Paul writes in 1 Cor 9:26 “I do not run like someone running aimlessly“. It is appropriate to ask, “why am I doing this?” or “in what way does this reflect what I have been made to do?” I am called, and therefore it makes sense to question endless distractions and time wasters. That doesn’t mean there is no time to sit down and relax, but it does mean I dive back into the “why this?” question. We don’t have endless time, and while sometimes the goal of the journey is simply the journey, more often there are things to note and do along the way.
Because I am called, rather than assume the worst when something goes wrong, I assume that God is somehow a part of it. I ask the question, “where is God in this situation and what is God now saying?” I assume purpose rather than random chance. True, like most things that can be overdone (and over spiritualising can be a form of escapism), but I find it helpful to have a default that assumes purpose rather than arbitrariness
Five: I am a person who values my body
Many are unhappy with the body they have – often complaining that it’s too short, or uncoordinated or prone to disease. People come up with so many grumbles about their body, but the staggering insight from 1 Cor 6:19 is that our body is a temple in which God’s Spirit dwells. Sure people quibble over what this means, but there are some minimum take aways from it. If God’s Spirit lives within me, my body has value. I should respect it. Should I eat well? Should I exercise often? Well, if my body is a temple, surely I am a person who honours that instinctively? Not that exercise and diet are the only markers of treating our bodies well. We should sleep enough, think enough, and value enough the body God has assigned us as we respond to the call of Jesus to “come, follow me”. We are stewards of the body we are given, and stewards are called to be responsible.
So what reminders do you need as you enter 2026? Rather than make promises which are likely to be broken, why not pause and ask who you most truly are, and what it will mean to be a person who lives in the light of your deepest identity?
Nice chatting…
A little update about the blog as 2026 begins: Each Wednesday during 2025 I published a “Refresh” post – where I highlighted a post from a few years back to give it a fresh airing. My sense is that this has run its course for now, so while there might be a periodic special “Refresh” when it seems appropriate, most commonly there will only be one new post published each Sunday through the year.
Photo by Viridiana Rivera: https://www.pexels.com/photo/2024-19797270/
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