I’m preaching at Ellenbrook Baptist on Sunday and have been asked to speak on “What I’d tell my younger self.” The problem is not what to say, but what to leave out. Realistically, would my younger self have listened to what my older self wishes to say? Probably not. You learn along the way, and while forewarned is forearmed, some things simply take time and experience, and it is as well not to beat yourself up too much for not having anticipated them in advance. And there you go – my older self is already pontificating back to my younger version.
So what am I planning to say? At this stage I have no idea, but I hope by the time I finish writing this post I will be getting close. OK then – let’s begin. What springs to mind?
First up is Ps 90:12, a firm favourite of mine: “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Earlier (v10) the Psalmist had observed that “The length of our days is seventy years, or eighty if we have the strength.” True, I’d like to push back a little and suggest that medical advances means we can adjust the figures upwards – perhaps to “the length of our days is eighty years, or ninety if we have the strength” – and even that is provisional. Rosemary’s mom lived to be 100. But perhaps I’m at risk of missing the point which is that our time on earth is finite. We don’t know exactly how long it will be, so carpe diem (seize the day) while keeping the end in mind. Actually, I’d push in a little more. The narrative theologian in me always asks, “what chapter of your life are you in, and what is the title of the book you are writing?” Even as I ask that the systems theorist in me pushes back, “and what are the external constraints (and opportunities) that you face?” It is never simply just about you. None of us exist in isolation, or as John Donne so aptly put it a little over 400 years ago “No man is an island, Entire of itself…” We are impacted by and in turn impact our context. Change in one part of a system impacts other parts of the system, so be the change you want to see in the world (to loosely paraphrase a sentiment often attributed to Gandhi).
I’d then link this back to two of the most haunting questions found in scripture, Gen 16:8 “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going.” In context Hagar’s answer could only really be, “Question 1: I’ve come from a living hell and Question 2: I am rushing towards my death” – but God had very different plans for her and the child she was about to give birth to. Most of us do not face a situation as dire as Hagar, but the questions remain as pertinent: Where have you come from? Where are you going to?
So what is it that my older self is saying to the younger me? Keep the big picture in mind. You haven’t got forever, so use the time you have well. And do that by thinking about the stage of life you are now in – and what is best to do at this stage – but know how you hope the story will end, and do things now that makes that ending more probable.
The sermon writer in me is noting that this now needs a story to pull it together. I’ve a few in mind – and wonder if those of you who know me well or have read my books can guess which of my life stories I am most likely to select… Ha, I will leave you hanging on that one.
Second thing I will probably say: Remember the words of Jesus in Matt 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” This isn’t Jesus saying never plan ahead (or don’t worry about what chapter of life you are in and where you want to one day be) but rather don’t worry about tomorrow. It’s the worry aspect I would want to emphasise. Don’t sweat about things. Learn to quietly trust the goodness of God, because you know what, there is always something you can worry about (for each day has enough trouble of its own). It’s a choice you can make – worry, or trust. There is not a day that you won’t face this, so make up your mind early.
I know the story I am going to attach to this one. It’s from the time we were leaving South Africa to move to pastor Mt Roskill Baptist Church in New Zealand. We had a home to sell. Initially there didn’t seem to be any buyers, then we found one but the deal seemed shaky and was in risk of collapsing and with very little time left, it looked as though the sale had fallen over. We had very little money and really needed the sale to settle our mortgage and have some funds to help us through our transition in New Zealand. Immigration is stressful even in ideal circumstances, and this felt like one problem too many. I was praying about it persistently – perhaps too persistently, for when things looked at their worst I heard the voice of Jesus saying to me very gently: “Brian, you are getting yourself stressed out here. I promise you, it is going to be OK. Now I am giving you a choice – you can trust my answer that it will be ok, or you can keep worrying.” To my surprise I heard myself answer, “Thanks, but I will keep worrying. I don’t know what else to do.” And I heard the voice of Jesus reply, “That’s ok. But when it all turns out fine, I want you to remember this conversation, and to learn from it. It is better to trust than to worry.” I kept worrying – and everything turned out fine. The sale that looked like falling over didn’t. But I robbed myself of some of the specialness of that time simply because I was consumed with anxiety. I don’t want to claim that I never worry, but I have learnt to trust a little more. No, trust doesn’t mean we always have the ending we want, but I have learnt that even when the ending is not what we want, God is trustworthy. At the core of my being, I absolutely believe this. Yes, things can go wrong, even badly wrong, but God can be trusted, and as the 14th century mystic, Julian of Norwich put it, “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” Worry is a choice you don’t have to make. Trusting the goodness of God is far wiser.
Third thing: Heed the counsel of Col 3:23 “Whatever you do, do it with all your heart as working for the Lord.” This is the “for an audience of one” principle. It’s also the if you are faithful with little you will be faithful with much principle. In my earlier days I worked as a chaplain to students. They were wonderful years and I have great memories from the time. But there was one frustration. Things often didn’t turn out as they were planned. I learnt that the talk I had carefully prepared might not be given (because another speaker had taken all the available time), or that the audience of 100 I was told would be present was actually an audience of 6. It was very unpredictable and there were a fair few times I left thinking, “well, what was the point of all the work that went into that?” But as the years rolled on I discovered that talks that had been given to 6, could be reworked and used with audiences of over a thousand, that the research that went into a talk that was cancelled, was very useful for a lecture I had to give years later. I have learnt that nothing is lost, and in its own way can resurface and speak over and over again. So whatever you do, do it with all your heart. Or as the writer of Ecc 11:1 puts if, “Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again.” You just don’t know – so be fully present, and keep leaning into things, even if they seem very modest at the time.
Fourth thing (and yes, I know its pushing it to include more than 3 things, but there is so much to say): Don’t be afraid of change. While the old hymn “abide with me” is both haunting and comforting, I think it is wrong when it says “Change and decay in all around I see, oh Thou who changest not abide with me”. Don’t link change with decay. True, change sometimes is part of decay – but as often (perhaps more often) it is part of renewal, remaining fresh, and spotting the always present fingerprints of God in the world. To a people despairing in exile Isaiah wrote: “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland” (Is 43:19). So younger Brian – or dear reader… remain open and hopeful, for God is, and because God is, there is always hope.
Well there it is: Teach us to number our days; Do not worry about tomorrow; Whatever you do, do it with all your heart; and See, I am doing a new thing. Regardless of if you fit into the young, old or somewhere between zone, it could be that God wants you to hold onto one of these truths this week.
Nice chatting…
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