I’m always interested in what people remember from the books I have written. In When Faith Turns Ugly it’s the little line: “The opposite of faith is not doubt but certainty.” Though a little counter intuitive, at another level it is self evident. If you are certain of something, faith is surplus to requirements. You know because you know because you know. Who knows where that certainty came from, (and some people have amazing stories of the intervention of God in their life) but if it is there, it is not faith that keeps you keeping on, but a sure and certain knowledge, perhaps the result of something in the realm of the miraculous.
But then there is faith for the rest of us. If your prayer for a front door parking bay on a rainy day is denied, or more seriously, your prayer for the cure of a serious condition is declined, or your plea for a relationship breakthrough appears to have been misunderstood – welcome to the faith stretching world of the majority who follow Jesus.
I still remember my first high school science teacher. A vocal atheist, Mr Pound (not his real name) was also a bit of an entertainer, and as it later transpired, a bit of a fraud – he was dismissed when it was discovered his qualifications were forged – though that’s another story! When discussions on the periodic table were not hitting the mark, Mr Pound would deviate onto the stupidity of faith in God. Having instructed us in the scientific method, he said he would follow it to allow God to prove his existence to us. Said Mr Pound, “If God exists he” (this was an age when everything was he) “would clearly want to make his existence known to us. So I will give him a chance. I invite God to put a ten rand note” this was South Africa “under my desk. If God hears everything, he knows how much is at stake. The faith of 31 boys in this class depends upon it. Let’s give him 30 seconds to act. 30, 29, 28…3,2,1… let’s have a look.” He would then dive under the desk, search everywhere, and come up empty handed. “So sad boys. I looked everywhere. No ten rand note there… and also no God – not there, not anywhere.” He would then try and get us back to the periodic table.
Though I remember his antics decades later, I remain unconvinced of his premise. According to Mr Pound if you are going to believe anything you need tangible in your hand proof, and he was dismissive of anything that fell short of that standard. He had also muddled the nature of the relationship between humans and God – as if humans are the ones who get to call the shots, in response to which a grateful God should simply jump. But if that was the case, humans would be God.
In reality, the important questions of life require you to navigate seasons of uncertainty. It takes a lot of faith to follow your dreams – especially if they point to a path where few succeed. Yet the regrets that flow when we don’t are real. Author Daniel Pink notes that “boldness regrets” are amongst the most common of those approaching the end of their life. If you are going to dive deeply into life, some risk taking is inevitable.
Is it a risk to follow Jesus? Well he informed us that his followers were required to take up a cross. It wasn’t simply colourful language. It appears that 10 of the 12 original disciples died a martyrs death. For all that, I am certain (there’s that C word) that if they had to fill in one of Pink’s regret questionnaires that they would say they were ending their life without boldness regrets! Uncertainty is something you manage, not something you run from.
This might sound a little abstract. How do I manage my doubts?
Do I have any? Yes, I do. Are there things about God that I don’t understand. There certainly are. Do I deeply doubt – no, not deeply. It’s more doubt mixed with humility – the sense that while most of what I believe about God is probably right, some of it is almost certainly wrong. The difficulty is knowing which belief falls into which category. For all that there are some things I am willing to be more dogmatic about than others. Is God more loving than I realise. I don’t doubt that for a moment. 1 John 4:8 contains three transforming words, “God is love.” It will take more than this lifetime for me to figure out the significance of that.
How do I manage to cope with my doubts?
First, I don’t view doubt as an enemy. My doubts have often prompted me to ask deeper questions which in the longer run have invited me to a deeper and more satisfying faith. I like to think that I have a faith that is strong enough to doubt. It’s flimsy faith that panics at reasonable questions, or tries to shame healthy curiosity. Faith is a door to deeper understanding, not a ghetto forbidding the deepest encounters with life.
Why do I believe this? Because at some deeply intuitive level I know that Jesus was speaking a life changing truth when he said, I am come that you may have life, and life in all its fullness. (John 10:10). Perhaps I’m mistaken in calling that “intuitive”. My faith prompts me to suggest that it is a Spirit birthed conviction – a force outside of me convincing me that it is true.
Second, I have made a firm and unwavering decision. I will live as if God exists. Rather than dither in uncertainty, I have embarked upon an experiment. So there you go Mr Pound. If you believe something is true, don’t just talk about it – test it. Live as if it is true. I have. Fifty plus years on I have passed the experimental stage. Each of the chapters of my life has a different title – but the subtitle is the same – “and God is love” – I get married – and God is love; I move country – and God is love; I face disappointments – and God is love; There is loss – and God is love; A new beginning – and God is love… I think there are a few more chapters to be written, but I no longer doubt the subtitle. It will be “and God is love”… 50 plus years on my faith is strong enough to say that with some conviction.
There is a lovely hymn we don’t often sing – I Cannot Tell. Written by William Young Fullerton in 1920 – the first World War just ended, and all the disturbing questions it raised still unanswered – it seems to me to strike the right balance between faith, questions and humility. Here is Fullerton’s hopeful vision of the future:
I cannot tell how all the lands shall worship,
when at his bidding every storm is stilled,
or who can say how great the jubilation
when every heart with love and joy is filled.
But this I know, the skies will thrill with rapture,
and myriad myriad human voices sing,
and earth to heav’n, and heav’n to earth, will answer,
‘at last the Saviour, Saviour of the world, is King!
No – that hasn’t happened yet, and World War 2 happened all to quickly afterwards, and then there was… But as Lamenatations 3:21-22 puts it “Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness.” I do have doubts, but my faith is strong enough to say “Yet I still dare to hope…” And the subtitle remains: And God is love…
Nice chatting…
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